Scarborough Camping and Caravanning Club Site, Field Lane, Burniston, Scarborough, YO13 0DA
 
Well, the vans legs had only be down for ten minutes when who should turn up on our step but Keith Harris. He was taking a break from his busy showbiz schedule, but we soon had him to work erecting the awning, connecting the gas etc. Even Orville lent a hand (or wing) but try as he might he couldn't get a decent reception on the TV. No change there then.
  
Next to turn up were our good friends, Michael Jackson and Elizabeth Taylor. They were in the area as Liz was thinking about having a new tattoo and had been recommended a decent tattooist in Scarborough. Just two sugars in my coffee shouted Michael but Liz preferred a stronger beverage and had downed two snakebites before we could even book them in at the site's reception.

Feeling rather down and in need of cheering up were our two next guests, Major Charles Ingram and his beautiful wife Diana. Charles told me he had just had some interesting news, Celador, the makers of Who Wants to be a Millionaire and just offered to pay, on the event of his death, all the costs of his funeral. However, he continued, they had categorically refused to pay for his coffin. Never mind, I told him, it's only a two minute walk through the gate on the campsite to the nearest pub, the Scalby Manor, maybe they could drown their sorrows there.
  
Well, you have to draw the line somewhere! I think I may have hurt sensitive Saddam's feelings when I refused to allow him to stay a night in the awning. However, he brightened a little when I told him about the many reasonably priced bed and breakfast establishments near to Peasholm Park, maybe he could get his head down there.
  
  Who should we bump into at nearby Filey, but Camilla Parker Bowles. She had just been looking around the Blue Dolphin Site, as Charles had been telling her about the many happy holidays he had spent there with his family as a child. However, she soon fell in love with this site, with it's short walk into Scarborough. She thought the showers, toilets etc, could do with updating but after chatting with the site manager, who told her that all the facilities would be completely refurbished at the end of the season, she vowed that she would return next year with her own tourer. Maybe she might even bring Charles.
  
  It was no surprise when Anna Kournikova turned up as I had bumped into her a week earlier at Towsure, Sheffield and told her of our plans to go to Scarborough. However, who should turn up only two minutes after her but Jim Bowen.
  
  Here he is smiling after we told him he would have to share the inner tent with Anna. We suggested taking a stroll to the nearby Ivanhoe Pub, as they do a lovely carvery and there's plenty for the kids to do there. However Jim insisted we all have an early night. He couldn't get into that inner tent fast enough. "There's nowt in this game for two in a bed, but you can't beat a bit of bully," laughed Jim, with a wicked glint in his eye before disappearing into the awning with Anna in tow.
  
  Britney Spears was our next guest. She told us that she was no stranger to this site at Scarborough and she used to come here regularly in her two man tent with then boyfriend Justin Timberlake. That was when the site was council owned, and she commented that the fees had risen quite significantly since the Caravan and Camping Club had taken over. I suggested that she become a member of the Caravan and Camping Club, so to enjoy the reduction in price for members. She said that she would consider it.
  
  Never mind Anouska, you may have been the first evictee from the Big Brother house, but there's plenty of space in our awning. And unlike the BB house, the site's showers are hot all day, and not a camera in sight. Apart from mine that is.