It was the Fantasy Caravan's second rally, in honour of Mel and his wife Mary's Silver Wedding Anniversary. Our journey to Ashbourne, Derbyshire, was extremely eventful, driving through gale force winds, falling trees, and enduring the endless nagging off the wife constantly repeating, "You're insane....who else would be towing in this weather.....why did I ever marry you?" etc. etc. But our journey paled into insignificance after meeting the glittering array of celebrities, awaiting to greet us.

First to greet us, was event organiser, Mel himself. Keen caravanner Mel Gibson, assisted us onto our pitch even offering advice when I got stuck in the mud. Mel hadn't had too far to travel, living in Derby himself, unless he is filming. Infact, he'd just finished his latest blockbuster "The Passion of the Christ" just in time to celebrate his silver wedding anniversary, here at Gateway Caravan Park, Ashbourne.

It's always nice to meet old friends! It wasn't the first time we had met Kim Marsh and Jack Ryder, a.k.a. Tilly and her husband Allen in caravanning forum circles.  Caravanning in their aptly named Eldiss Superstorm, they talked about how violently there caravan had been rocking over the last couple of hours. We thought it wise not to enquire any further!

Though, Jack was a true star, braving the elements to help me fix the caravan door when it slammed with such force, it actually went inside the door frame, shattering the lock. Though with Jack's expert help, the door and lock were soon repaired! Cheers Jack, you're a gent!

Well the caravans names certainly reflected the nature of the weather that weekend. Pictured here outside her Elddiss Cyclone is the beautiful, Pamela Anderson, known in Touring and Tenting circles as Correen. She too had to be assisted out of the mud by the ever helpful Mel on her arrival, infact, her Peter Storm Kagool and wellies were so caked up in mud she had to slip into the outfit that she is wearing on the picture above. I was sure she'd catch her death, but at least we had somewhere to hang our coats up!

Well it was comforting to think that I wasn't the only one with a screw loose, to drive through such terrible conditions for a night away in the caravan. Next to turn up were webmaster and webmistress of Touring and Tenting, Mark and Sonja, otherwise known as Frank Thornton and Molly Sugdon. These seasoned caravanners had too risked life and limb, and roof vent, to drive through such terrible conditions to meet the rally. There's devotion for you! Luckily their roof vent, though open, was still intact, unlike the fantasy caravans, which was now replaced by a Tesco carrier bag. They had planned to put up there awning so Molly's pussy would have somewhere to sleep, but considering the wind, they thought it would be more sensible if their feline companion was to sleep inside the van!

Pictured here outside his van, is none other than Jeffrey Archer, or Roadrunner as he prefers to be called in caravanning forum circles. After spending the last couple of years inside, he was determined to make the most of his freedom, and get his van back on the road, and so the high winds were not going to keep him away from this caravanning bash at Ashbourne. He even coordinated his wellies with the ceremonial robes he was wearing.

Well, I've met Lizada before, (or Madonna, as she is known professionally), but I always thought her quite shy and retiring. However, she obviously let all inhibitions go at The Gateway Caravan Park. Not only had she entertained the campers earlier with a display of mud wrestling, accompanied by forum member Maggie, but she even kicked off the evening in the clubhouse with quite a saucy floorshow. Here she is being presented with some flowers for her efforts, before it was announced over the tannoy that it was safe to allow the younger children back into the building.

Still staring in disbelief, after Lizada's antics is well known movie star and play write "Woody Allen", or Coopey1 as he is known to fellow caravanners. He hadn't seen such positions as Lizada had slipped so effortlessly into since he last visited the Omega Massage and Sauna Suite in Sheffield.

Luckily for all of us present, the sobering and steady influence of Maggie (a.k.a. Julie Andrews) brought us all back to earth, and she was able to add a touch of decorum to what could have turned out to be quite a rowdy evening. Her presence alone surpressed the more unruly elements of the gathering, and despite Lizada's earlier shennanigans, Maggie was able to bring back an air of quiet and controlled dignity to the proceedings.

But where was Craig Wolstenholme? His name was on the list, his caravan was there...........however....... I did capture this snap just as I was leaving from a very enjoyable weekend.

Don't worry Craig, your secret's safe with me